I have grown to like running again! It is a feeling that was long lost to me.
Back in 2010 I used to really run quite a lot. LOL it scares me that the mention of years of the new millennium actually sounds like old news. (WHAT KIND OF AGE ARE WE LIVING IN? An age that ages too fast, me thinks.)
I could do 10 at a whim, and I was hooked to the thrill of breathlessness. I wasn’t crazy fast, but I wasn’t slow, I was damn tired, but I so loved it. I loved the feel of my carbs burning away (I’ll admit as much!) and I loved the scream in my legs, because back then I needed to feel intensely before I could recognise my worth. If it doesn’t hurt I wasn’t doing enough.
And of course it didn’t last long, this act of living life half-alive. Soon I was getting too comfortable with myself all over again, and those memories of “die running” no longer attracted me. In fact it sent shivers down my spine!
But now I am back! And it feels so good to be sane and motivated at the same time. I think I am really, really rickety and old now, but I no longer need to proof a point. Sure I run to lose weight, but also because I want to be healthy and feel alive. I want to live at the tip of my toes! So I run.
I ran and as I did, I shed all troubles of the day, the what ifs and what nots. I ran as fast as I would like, without worrying how much there was to go before I could stop, without thinking if I have arrived.
Right now what mattered most was being present. So just bring one leg forward,
and the other,
and you go!
P.S. This is a random incident that happened after the run. I title it THE TEXTURE OF SIN: I promise I didn’t feel like eating anything at all. But it turns out it was a futile promise if not for the retainers, I would have sunk my front teeth right into the heart of the creamy, yummy brown cube. Chocolates are defenseless against my enamel prison!! And it all came about from just one touch. A tentative finger prodding the smooth, mahogany surface of the chocolate dome. A touch can kill. A touch can move waves of desireeeee…!